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His Age ≠ Her Age

July 21, 2009

I can officially call today a totally wretched day. Water got in my left ear and now i’m partially deaf, hopefully not for long. I can’t say if that’s the reason why my brain’s activity has gone into overdrive mode. Whenever I feel low I think of all the hardships life threw at me, what other grievances I’d bear in the future, and today it was no different. But my blog is about a different topic and the aforesaid rambling was just to state the frame of mind I’m presently in.

People, who believe in love, say that age is just a number. Falling in love is so easy. I won’t contest it. But how do you fuel/nurture the flame into everlastingness when you fall in love with someone who is almost twice your age? How do you bridge the gap? In my case, it’s 11 years.

Very often we are at loggerheads over personal plans. A classic example: He wants to go out to a nice restaurant or pub-hopping while I fancy going to the club! He claims that he cannot bear overcrowded places, especially where very young people are hanging out in groups. I love crowded clubs! I don’t have to show off my lack of moves to all and sundry. In his ‘younger’ days he used to party a lot, stay out till the following morning, have a quick shower and out again.

I’m still young as compared to him. I want to experience whatever he had when he was my age too. Is it selfish of me to have such expectations? I don’t think so. Is it selfish of him to expect me to pander to his every whim? I’m still pondering on this one. LOL (Ah love is blind huh?)

We click on everything except on our plans for social outings. I know many would say it’s just a clash of personalities but according to our astrological signs (Cynics skip this sentence :)) we are made for each other! And it’s true. It’s a clash of personalities when the couple is from the same age bracket. My beau loves partying but not when I want! He’s an 80’s party animal and I got my feet firmly planted in the new millennium.

It is really different when you’re with someone who is not from the same age bracket as you.

Or, is age indeed JUST a number?

P.S: I’m feeling much better now! 😀

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. July 21, 2009 6:36 pm

    I’m 13 years younger than my husband…still in my 20s…I have to say MID because I’m 26…but I digress…

    There are things like that where you two just talk right past one another because you are both coming from two COMPLETELY different places. Him with the, “been there, done that, never again” and you all “this looks like fun!”

    It takes time…and patience…and compromise….my husband and I are still learning…

    • moodyboo permalink*
      July 21, 2009 6:47 pm

      We do come from 2 different places and cultures as well. We’re still discovering each other too…trying to work things around to avoid any conflict…

      My post was to really say that it’s not an easy path when you need to bridge such a long gap…some people say ‘age is just a number’…makes me want to ask them: ‘do you know what you’re talking about?’

  2. July 21, 2009 7:55 pm

    I think age gap is very important in a mariage or any other long-term commitment. It’s just my personal opinion that the gap should be as small as possible, because mariage is not all about love, it’s about co-existing under the same roof, so a small age gap makes things easier. In love, age doesn’t matter at all, nothing matters, but in a mariage, it can be hard sometimes, like you are finding out. Unless the people involved are mature enough to cope, it can be hell.

    When I was doing my first year A Level (was around 16), I used to go out with a girl who was in 3rd year medecine lol 4 years gap isn’t that much, but at that age it is! I didn’t complain though 😉 We broke up after I joined uni, but we never had a lot of trouble, because even if there were some clashes due to the age gap, we compromised a lot. It’s hard, but when you have to do it, you do it. That’s what’s called being in a relationship.

    • moodyboo permalink*
      July 21, 2009 8:03 pm

      They keyword is co-existing. You said it! 🙂 Living with someone entails compromises and sacrifices. An 11-year gap makes it harder. I don’t have problems in other areas in my relationship but when it comes to going out it’s a problem then. I don’t really mind bar-hopping, I get to smoke and chill. However if I have to make a choice I’d rather go watch a movie or go clubbing! 🙂

  3. July 22, 2009 1:45 am

    I’d rather skip the astrological part ….

    Hope your ear gets fixed soon …

    Coming to age and … in your case, cultura difference, yeps at first, during the coup de foudre, everything seems possible. It’s after the chemistry effect has damped that you see the person as he really is … then it helps if he has many things in common, including generation, religion, culture … unless you took time before to build a solid relationship.

  4. July 22, 2009 5:18 am

    I’d rather skip the astrological part ….

    Hope your ear gets fixed soon …

    Coming to age and … in your case, cultura difference, yeps at first, during the coup de foudre, everything seems possible. It’s after the chemistry effect has damped that you see the person as he really is … then it helps if he has many things in common, including generation, religion, culture … unless you took time before to build a solid relationship.
    P.S. – Sorry, forgot to tell you great post!

  5. July 22, 2009 6:29 am

    There’s 10 years difference between my mom and dad and they handle it fine. I don’t know if there were conflicts between them when they just got married though. One thing’s for sure, my mum enjoys the age difference greatly now. Hehe!

  6. moodyboo permalink*
    July 22, 2009 9:27 am

    @Bruno We were living together for 4 years – of highs and lows – before tying the knot. 🙂 I think I’m the only one who knows him in and out. It’s more to do with culture but I’m still betting on the ‘generation gap’.

    @Morinn I know I’d enjoy it more when I turned 35! LOL I don’t like young men either. I was attracted to his maturity in the first place. Maybe everything would be better once I get the clubbing mania out of my system. And I need to learn how to play pool so instead of sitting down and watch him shoot, I can participate as well! 😉

  7. July 23, 2009 2:14 am

    social life has changed nowadays. its true that age-gap can be a problem but its not something important to take into consideration when falling with love with s1..

    like u said social outings tend to arise some little conflicts and you elaborate on that.

    like morinn said 10 years gap betw her mum and dad and its working fine..this is because the old generation accepted these things much more easily..women tend to sacrifice themselves and considers their husband like a little less than God..

    nowadays things have changed drastically..emancipation of women and men tend not to accept it because they considers that its a blow to their ego etc..and women wants to live and experience things @ the same level men has :p right? correct me if im wrong thx

    but in the end in love & marriage, it not only about conceding, tolerating, accepting & sacrificing..

    its also a path to keep learning about each other and of course trying to find a nice way to socialise is in it :p

    personally speaking, if my fiancée doesn’t feel @ ease when socialising i will accept it and find another way..even if the other way won’t please me @ all ..

    the first step towards showing compassion .. may be 1 day in return she’ll return the favour..

    oh btw my parents have the same age, born on the same year..just a difference of some months..

    oh dear if you could see the stupid clashes arising sometimes @ home pffff!!

  8. July 23, 2009 8:25 am

    I do not mind age gap actually. but wow, 11 years? Really love knows no age! :p may be that is why in love, age is just a number.

    But true, a life together includes other stuffs. To be able to compromise is very important. For example in your case, one Saturday, you guys can go clubbing. Tell your beau he can still shake it and remember his old days….and then on another day, have a quiet night out.

    Try to get the best of both worlds! 😛

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